Insert Happy Ending Joke Here

Sometimes I just don’t understand how people come up with their world record attempts other than the standard excuse of, “We just felt like it.” Apparently 641 people just felt like rubbing each other’s backs yesterday in Thailand, because that’s how many masseuses it took to break the world record for the most people spontaneously massaging each other at the same time. I assume the world record for most people who couldn’t roll over for a minute because of a boner was also broken.

The previous record was set in 2010 when 263 performed massages at the same time, and I guess 2012 has just turned into the year of sh*tting all over Australia’s world records. Whatever doesn’t kill them, I suppose. Enough about Australia, let’s celebrate the people of the hour: masseuses!

“It was easy because this is what we do every day for a living,” said 53-year-old Chayanan Chanwuttisawan, one of the mostly female masseuses who took part in the event. “I’m proud of myself and my profession. I never thought we’d have a chance to be recognized like this.” (Via Bloomberg)

But the real question here is how are we supposed to take this record seriously when it was broken in such a notoriously sordid place?

Although some of Thailand’s massage parlors notoriously double as fronts for prostitution, the vast majority are legitimate spas offering everything from aromatherapy to foot rubs to Thai “traditional massage” — an ancient art offered at shops across Bangkok that is still practiced and taught at the city’s revered Wat Pho temple.

Health Minister Wittaya Buranasiri has said he wants to see the industry bring in even more revenue. The National News Bureau of Thailand reported last week that the government “is aiming to make Thailand the world’s ultimate destination for massage, with plans to improve the quality of the workers, offer more massage classes to the public and set up a massage center in every hospital.”

I wonder how many times this conversation has happened:

“Hey what’s that temple’s name?”

“Wat pho.”

“Um, because I’d like to know.”

“Wat pho.”

“So I can tell people I’ve been to it.”

“Wat pho.”

“Fine, just point me to the hookers.”