The hilarious pull-quote featured to the right is from an ESPN article detailing Jim Thome’s address to the City Club of Cleveland, wherein he announces that despite the market not being flush for 41-year old designated hitters he’d still like to play in 2012. “In a year or two, this team can do some very special things,” Thome said. “They have put the groundwork in, done things the right way.”
He continued to praise the team, the city and the organization, but really the most important thing he said was about playing by himself in the backyard. In the spirit of sharing only the important things a man says, today’s Dugout presupposes — What if that actually happened?
Today’s Dugout is after the jump. Cleveland, if you’re reading this … keep this guy around for a while, would you?
The Dugout
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** Online Host ** |
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| WordUpThome: HEY DAD I’M GONNA BE PLAYING CRACKERED-JACK BASEBALL IN THE BACK-YARD WILL YOU TELL ME IF ANY TEAMS CALL | ||
| WordUpThome: DAD | ||
| WordUpThome: HEY DAD HEY | ||
| WhatsUpChuck: FER PETE’S SAKES JIMMY CAINT YOU SEE I’M WHITTLIN’, WHAT’RE YOU RAISIN CAIN ABOUT | ||
| WordUpThome: IF BASEBALL TEAMS CALL ME ON THE TELEPHONE WILL YOU HOLLER AT ME | ||
| WhatsUpChuck: BASEBALL TEAMS | ||
| WordUpThome: YES THE TEAMS WITHIN THE SPORT I PLAY, SUCH AS CLEVELAND’S INDIANS OR THE MIAMIC MARLINS | ||
| WhatsUpChuck: /makes indecipherable, guttural noise | ||
| WordUpThome: OH DAD YOU ARE A BIG WIG AT THE CRACKIN’ ME UP FACTORY | ||
| WhatsUpChuck: IF YER GOIN OUT TO PLAY TAKE RANDY | ||
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WordUpThome: CAINT RANDY TOOK HIS RAMBO KNIVE AN GATTALLING LASER INTO THE WOODS TO HUNT MOUNTAINED LIONS JUST THIS MORN |
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| WhatsUpChuck: WULL YOU CAINT PLAY BY YER LONESOME | ||
| WordUpThome: I’LL BE FINE PAPA I HAVE MY PASSION AS WELL AS A BURLAP SATCHEL OF SANDWICHES | ||
| **Online Host** WordUpThome has left the chatroom. |
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| WhatsUpChuck: /makes dad noises | ||
| **Online Host** Later, in the Thome Family Backyard Chatroom… |
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| WordUpThome: OKAY LADIES I’VE GONE OVER THE STRAT-O-MATICS AND PLAYED WITH THE PERCENTAGES SO HERE’S HOW WE’RE GONNA LOOK IN THE FIELD | ||
| WordUpThome: PLAYER-COACH JI | ||
| WordUpThome: JIM THOME WILL BE ALL TIMES HITTER AND PLAY FIRST BASE, SO LONG AS IT SHANT REQUIRE HIM TO MOVE | ||
| WordUpThome: HUG ME BEAR YOU ARE ON SECOND | ||
| HuggyBear: … | ||
| WordUpThome: NIGHT FORCE CRAZYLEGS FROM GROUND INFANTRY JOE YOU’RE THE CORNERED STONE OF OUR INFIELD AT THIRD | ||
| Crazylegs: /is action figure | ||
| WordUpThome: SHOULD YOUR PELVIC BAND BREAK AGAIN WE’VE GOT CRIMSON GUARD AS A BACK-UP | ||
| WordUpThome: BUT I PURCHASED HIM AT A FLEA’S MARKET FOR ONLY ONE DOLLAR AND HAVE SEEN MONEY-BALL AND KNOW HOW THAT STORY ENDS | ||
| WordUpThome: WE WILL HAVE TO UTILIZE A SYSTEM OF GHOST RUNNERS, WITH "GHOST" SUGGESTING ASSUMED AND IMAGINARY PERSONS AND NOT SATANIC SPIRITS WHAT ARE AN AFFRONT TO OUR LORD | ||
| WordUpThome: ANY QUESTIONS | ||
| Crazylegs: /spent at least 15 years crammed into a Sky Sweeper at the bottom of a toybox | ||
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WordUpThome: /puts cassingle of Dolly Parton’s Star-Spangled Banner into a Teddy Ruxpin and plays it in its entirety |
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| WordUpThome: PLAY WITH BALL | ||
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WordUpThome: /lobs ball into air /cranks ball 480 feet |
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| WordUpThome: COME ON CRAZYLEGS LET’S SEE SOME HUSTLE, USE YOUR CRAZY LEGS | ||
| Crazylegs: /slowly starts to melt | ||
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WordUpThome: LOOK LIKE YOU’RE ALIVE HUG ME BEAR I’M ROUNDING SECOND YOU CAN STILL GET ME |
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| HuggyBear: /lies in dirt | ||
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WordUpThome: SIGH WHY DID I THINK THIS WOULD WORK |
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| WordUpThome: CRAZYLEGS WE’RE MOVING YOU TO SECOND | ||
| Crazylegs: /isn’t even as good as the other guy who came in the two-pack | ||
| WhatsUpChuck: JIMMY YOU GOT A CALL ON THE HOME TELEPHONE | ||
| WordUpThome: WHO IS IT POP | ||
| WhatsUpChuck: I DON’T KNOW IT JUST MADE A NOISE | ||
| WordUpThome: ARE YOU SURE IT WASN’T JUST THE MICROWAVE | ||
| WordUpThome: ARE VOICES COMING OUT OF IT | ||
| WhatsUpChuck: JIMMY YOU GOT A CALL ON THE | ||
| WordUpThome: IS IT THE INDIANS OR A STEAK N’ CHEESE HOT POCKET DAD | ||
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WhatsUpChuck: I DUNNO JIMMY IT WAS DONE IN 90 SECONDS AND SMELLS AWFUL |
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| WordUpThome: THAT COULD BE EITHER ONE |
