‘Orange Is The New Black’ Has The Best (Or Maybe Worst?) Episode Titles

Seinfeld had “The [Noun].” Friends, “The One with…” Community, lengthy course names. But those episode titles have nothing on Orange Is the New Black. They’ve always been pretty good, like last year’s “You Also Have a Pizza.” But this year, they’re really embracing not being on a cable network. Here are the episode titles for Season 3, which premieres tomorrow.

1. “It’s the Great Blumpkin, Charlie Brown”
2. “I’m a Bitch Because I’m Sad”
3. “Sometimes Bad Things Happen to Bad People”
4. “The Great Hate F*ck”
5. “Kids: Yum!”
6. “Offended But Okay”
7. “Back to the Rape Well”
8. “Use Your Tears as Lube”
9. “Heroin Robin Hood”
10. “The Rapiest Pap Smear”
11. “Gay Feet”
12. “Never-ending Rumspringa”
13. “Hot for Janitor”
14. “Great Service, Lovely Scent”

A few things:

Kids: Yum! is also the name of a popular cannibal cookbook.

-“Back to the Rape Well.” Start your think pieces now.

-“Use Your Tears as Lube” is just good advice.

-“Hot for Teacher.” Picture David Lee Roth watching Orange; it’s fun.

-I kinda hope “The Rapiest Pap Smear” turns out to be OITNB‘s “Ozymandias.” “Hey, Betty. What was your favorite thing on TV this year?” “I LOVED the rape pap smear episode of Orange.”

I’m very happy this show is (almost) back.