The enterprising folks at Reddit know how to get down and call it “work.” Mind you, these are not adult film stars, but people who have starred in plays or commercial films with a mainstream slant. Sex scenes can be both embarrassing and disastrous for the parties involved. Luckily, the best AskReddit threads are the ones revolving around occupational hazards. From haunted house employees to tales from security guards, nurses, and bartenders, the internet has seen everything.
With this thread, Reddit goes all out to describe the mayhem that can happen during love scenes. The biggest problems revolve around the guys trying to, uh, stay calm, but other accidents happen, too. Let’s commiserate with these poor folks, but as a trigger warning, some of these stories are raunchy:
DustReplacement began with some wise words from a veteran actor:
“I read an interview with Ralph Fiennes where he was asked this question. He said something like: “yeah, there is always this awkwardness with your partner as in: ‘sorry if I get aroused, also sorry if I don’t'”
Things got a little rough during TankBearz‘s action-sex scene:
“I had a kiss scene in a movie where the girl punches me in the face off the bed and then follows me down and kisses me. About two takes in, she accidentally punched me in the face for real. Blood starts pouring out of my mouth, we actually have to stop to get me cleaned up. The kicker was that she had to do a bunch of close up shots kissing me, immediately after I stopped bleeding, so I guess that was payback?”
Mephistophe‘s director blocked some action with a certain bass line:
“My favorite memory about it is the day the director told us she was going to play some music during the scene to test out what she’d want to use onstage. So we were getting into it and all of a sudden, we hear the bass line from Seinfeld. It took forever for us to stop laughing and get back into serious sex mode.”
This story from VapeFiction is like a horror movie:
“I had never been kissed before and this was my big moment. she pinned me against the wall and before my back hit the set I had a raging unstoppable erection. and since I wore sweatpants every day there was absolutely no hiding it. so when she went in for the kiss I inadvertently poked her right in the stomach with my pubescent diamond chipper. she screamed in horror. I stood there on stage while everyone laughed and laughed and laughed. eventually I just ran off the stage and cried in the bathroom.”
NHNolan couldn’t even keep it together for a dance scene:
“Not a kiss scene, but a dance scene. This girl who I danced with in a prom scene had just gotten P.O.’ed at her boyfriend, so she starts pressing herself up against me during rehearsals. When it moved, her eyes got wide and she almost jumped back.”
Man, this story from Just_An_Asshole is really, really bad:
“Dress rehersals. Loose silky robes, boxers and cleavage were an erection’s wet dream. Thanks to said loose silk robes and boxers I had no chance of hiding it from her … I wanted to die but she didn’t flip out. As rehearsals go there were lots of starts and stops and resets. I’m trying not to poke her with it but I can’t go anywhere and I’m telling myself that maybe she didn’t notice afterall. Then she reaches back and grabs it … so I obviously fired off about ten seconds in. She let’s out a muted ‘oh damn’ and pulls her hand away quickly.”
LakeShow2015 knows the romantic power of Shakespeare first hand:
“15 year old me was roped into being Romeo in the school drama class production of Romeo and Juliet. The start of one scene had Juliet and I waking up in bed together, slightly suggestive but no big deal, at least not until one of my mates in the crowd yelled ‘stick it in her.'”
Never forget the arousal-killing power of Magicamace‘s peanut allergy story:
“Not me but a friend of mine. He was supposed to do a kiss during this one scene, except just before their lips touched, the girl cries out ‘I had peanut butter today!’ Thank god she said something, because he was deathly allergic.”
WantSomeApple is kind of over this boring work stuff. End scene!
“I’ve dry-humped, kissed, etc. on stage and never really thought much of it because it was my job. I’ve had a couple of colleagues get creepy (especially in the more risqué shows) but they’re few and far between. As for interesting stories, one guy I worked with told me that on the last night of our show, during his big kissing scene, the woman he was working with slipped him the tongue. She’d been hitting on him for weeks, so it didn’t surprise me.”