America’s Fastest Growing Stoner Demographic: Dogs

Um sorry, cats, but dogs are scoring major points for apparently being America’s fastest growing stoner demographic.

Speaking with CBS 4 in Denver, veterinarian Dr. Debbie Van Pelt said that she has seen “huge spikes in the frequency of marijuana ingestion [among pets] in places where it’s become legal.” Seventeen states across the U.S. have approved the regulated use of medical marijuana, although few states have embraced the trend as much Colorado; by one count Denver has more marijuana dispensaries than it does Starbucks.

In many instances the dogs appear to have eaten their owner’s stash. The affects are far from pleasant for the animals, who start to stagger and vomit and can even lapse into a coma. According to Dr. Pelt: “They basically [lose] a lot of their fine motor control, they have a wide-based stance and they are not sure on their feet.”

It’s obvious that Dr. Debbie Van Pelt — who sees dogs getting stoned as a terrible thing — was the kid at school who ratted out the seniors who tugged on a bottle of MD 20/20 in the parking lot before school. What a goddamn killjoy. DOGS WANT TO GET HIGH TOO! And you know why? Because DOGS ARE COOL, that’s why, and cool people like to get high every now and then. It makes people — and apparently animals too — very happy.

For instance, check out the unbridled joy that overcomes this dog, Samson, when its owner whips out his one-hitter and asks it if it wants to blaze with him…

I’m calling it: dogs getting high will be the new gays in the military, and we here at UPROXX plan to be on the front lines of this culture war. LET AMERICA’S DOGS HIT HAVE A HIT OF THAT SH*T! If they’re allowed to drive, they should be allowed to get high!

Thanks for the tip, DG.