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Redditors Confess Their Most Revolting Bodily Functions, Which Are As Gross As You’d Expect

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It will come as no surprise to hear how the human body can do some foul things, and the internet loves to discuss them in gory detail. A new Reddit thread poses the following question: “What’s the grossest thing your body has done?” The answers are as disgusting as one would expect from one of the darkest garage sales of the internet. Some of these stories could be a little embellished, but the glee with which these users confessed would indicate truthful relief from most.

This compilation of tales comes with a hefty and necessary warning.

Do not read any further unless you’re prepared to deal with the nauseating consequences, but it’s fun! Think of it as a precursor for the gross-out side of Halloween. Happy retching, y’all.

This item from BiscuitDoughHands sounds like a body-horror movie scene:

“You know how you get an itch in your eye and after looking in the mirror, you can see it’s an eyelash? That happened to me … I leaned over the sink, saw the eyelash, and stuck my finger in my eye to draw it out. I got a hold on it, started pulling … and pulling … and pulling … That’s right, it was my hair, from my head, that had found its way behind my eyeball. It was probably close to 8 inches long after I pulled it all out. The worst part was I could feel it unraveling behind my eye.”

CappieBara got pretty messy but at least didn’t drive drunk:

“Too drunk on wine so I decided to pass out in my car instead of drive drunk. End up having to puke in the car. Pooped my pants as I puke red wine in my car. I’m a real class act!”

DGPR describes an ear-wax scenario that is echoed (to a lesser degree) by many Redditors:

“On our honeymoon, my wife and I went snorkeling in Cozumel, Mexico. That evening on the cruise ship she noticed I had something brown running down the side of my face. It was ear wax and it was running down both sides of my face out of my ears. I went to the bathroom and ran about 20 q-tips through my ear canals and came out with the thickest, darkest ear wax. It was super satisfying and my ears felt so clean afterwards. For a few weeks after the honeymoon I would have random balls of wax drop out of my ear canals if I leaned from one side or the other, only on occasion.”

Man_Mayo stays short, sweet, and smelly:

“I have produced flatulence capable of toppling some large species of mammals”

Things get a little biblical with JustStopIt1093‘s blood-tear story:

“I cried blood once. My nose had been bleeding for well over three hours (both nostriles, no signs of slowing down, coughing up gelatinous blood clots, blood all over my tiny 8-year-old body and face). We were in the emergency room waiting, and I had to pee. I had been crying for about two hours at that point as well, so I was just a hot mess. I stumble over to the bathroom and suddenly I notice my vision was blurry. I turned around and there was blood streaming out of both of my eyes. Straight down the middle of my cheeks like some sort of antiChrist sh*t. I walked out of the bathroom and the nurse looked like she was about to pass out. We were no longer waiting after that.”

LordoftheGluten conjured up a tale that can’t be real:

“Speaking of belly buttons … I once found a living moth living in mine. I was twirling my finger around in there (as you do) and noticed gray matter on my finger. I thought it was lint, but after further investigation, found out it was a moth. It flew away after I pulled it out of there. I try to keep my belly button clean now.”

DroIvarg introduces the internet to the wild world of tonsil stones:

“Went to the gym. Had a sore throat. But not in pain. Something was irritating me, [felt swollen and weird]. Started coughing while at the gym. a bunch of tonsil stones flew out. Like a tonsil stone shotgun through my mouth. First time I got tonsil stones like that. I clean my mouth and throat now waaaay better.”

Good ol’ Voslak knew this list could use a requisite “popping” story:

“I got a splinter in my foot from my grandma’s deck. For a few hours, I had been working my way at getting most of it out. Finally, I thought I had fished the whole thing out. Months later, I’m sitting on my couch and the splinter wound was bugging me so I tried popping it like a zit. The remaining inch-long piece of wood shot out of my foot 3 feet into the air with a trail of pus and some clear liquid. It was disgusting. However, it felt incredible and to this day I’m still chasing that feeling.”

Justin Clair also contributed to the ickiness with this gem:

“When I was about 7 or so, my nose bled every day for a week. I was wiping the blood one day and felt something in my nose so I started to dig. I pulled out an 8-10 inch long blood clot. After almost 30 years, this still haunts me.”

Finally, SkywalkrNcsu speaks for all of us with an insightful question:

“Why am I still reading this thread???”

(Via Reddit)

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