If you’re a sexually adventurous type, then you might be well-versed in the rules of road head. But there is a first time for everything, and one Redditor was brave enough to share her humiliating first experience with the internet. And it’s not really that she performed the actual sex act badly, it was who caught her in the act.
TIFU by living out one of my boyfriends fantasies. My boyfriend has always wanted me to give him head while he’s driving. I’ve been pretty reluctant to give it a go for a couple of reasons; like if we went over a bump and I accidentally bit his member, or if he crashes because he closes his eyes or something. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened when I eventually gave it a shot.
Generally, these kinds of things are really important and are enough to scare people away. But we are talking about the Indiana Jones of blowjobs here, so let’s see how it goes!
At the beginning, I told him to keep an eye out for cars passing and to tell me so I could stop in time. But as we got more and more into it I didn’t care anymore, in fact it was turning me on more that other people may know what’s going on. Plus, at this stage into the journey the roads were getting quieter (I live in a pretty quiet, small town, so there weren’t many people taking the same route as us that day).
This is when it all went downhill.
You know what also went downhill? That giant boulder that tried to squash Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Come on, girl — tell us how you outran that boulder!
I would like to stay anonymous, without giving too much away, I will just add that the airport I had arrived in that day is in a city that my father works in three days a week. I had forgotten this fact and that he comes home on Thursday evenings. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me to ask him for a lift home as my boyfriend had my return planned since he heard about the trip. I never thought what happened was even remotely possible.
Rule of thumb: Things that you don’t think are possible should always — always — be considered possible. Especially when it comes to penises in your mouth in public places.
My boyfriend starts slowing down, we’re about to turn into the start of my hometown road. […] Just as he starts ******, I hear someone calling his name. A car has pulled up beside him. […] I can hear the voice saying “what the f*ck” and realise I recognise that voice.
There is literally not a single recognizable voice that would be a relief to hear in this situation, but there is one voice in particular that is the worst possible voice to hear in that situation.
I look up and see my father staring back at me through the open windows. He just looks from me to my boyfriend, aghast, turns to face the road ahead and keeps driving.
Annnnnnd that’s the one! Dad. Dear old Dad. The first man in a girl’s life who only wants to protect her from danger, and the last man on Earth who wants to witness the sexual goings-on of his little baby daughter because she is a baby and he knows how men work.
So, that basically sucks. No pun intended. No, actually, that pun is 100 percent intended, and I stand by it, even though I admire this girl’s guts for even attempting road head. I can barely change a radio station or adjust the air conditioning in someone else’s car while having an innocent conversation with the driver, let alone accomplish this sort of sexual acrobatics.
What can we learn from this? Always remember where your dad works any day of the week and never give blowjobs there.