Chinese Bootleg’s Subtitles For ‘The Avengers’ May Be Better Than The Movie Itself

All your cube are belong to us.

We’re fans of laughably bad bootlegs around here, whether it’s DVD covers from black markets in Asia or bootleg Turkish Star Wars figures. Now Gizmodo has tipped us to another funny bootleg courtesy of Bileto, who screencapped the hilariously-bad closed captioning on her Chinese bootleg The Avengers DVD. This is getting us SO PUMPED for the recently-announced Avengers sequel you guys.

These screencaps taught us that “Rocky” is an acceptable nickname for Loki and that the Cosmic Cube was actually a Rubik’s Cube. Also, you do not grab Tony Stark’s stuff. Just don’t.

A baker’s dozen of our favorite pictures from the many at Bileto’s Tumblr are collected below. I guess some of these screencaps could be considered spoilers, assuming you can actually tell what is happening based on these silly subtitles.

Cousins and brothers? What are you, circus people?

Hello, title for a Hulk spinoff series.

Not local? But it’s a local cube for local people!

Malarky, or effective way?

This one is actually closer to modern spoken English than “mewling quim”.