Delving Into The Very Real, Very Gross World Of Jake And Maggie ‘Gyllencest’

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In a Golden Globes where someone from Arrested Development won, it was all too fitting that Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal were each other’s date to the ceremony. And that they acted all cutesy and close. When she stood to accept an award for her work in The Honourable Woman and he congratulated her, well, let’s just say the Internet was thinking inappropriately.

A lot of people, apparently, because the world’s not lacking in stories like this.

Jake: So here we are, Maggie and me, on a plane. We’re going to some Caribbean island. I don’t even know what the name of it is, I just wanted to spend time with my sister. She’s so special to me. She’s always there when I need her and she’s so gorgeous.

Yes, I’m sexually attracted to my sister. Go ahead and think whatever the f*ck you want about me, but I’ve been fighting this feeling for two years and now I know that I can’t fight against them anymore. I’m in love with her. It’s meant to be.

To the surprise of the same number of people who paid to see Bubble Boy in the theater (no one), Jake and Maggie G incest, or “Gyllencest,” is a very real thing, at least in the minds of countless fan fiction writers. The block quote above comes from LiveJournal, of course, and is rated “R” for “language (just an f word!) and incest.” Here’s more, when “their feelings are more intense.”

“You are the most beautiful women in this world. You are everything to me. You are so special, so comprehensive, so cute, so…hot” the last word was almost a whisper right in her ear.

“So are you” she says in his ear.

“I love you so much” he says getting closer to her.

“I love you too, babe”

He dipped his head down, and kissed Maggie in a sweet kiss.

THEN WHAT. The author promised that she’ll “continue of course, I just need some help with the sex scene,” but she never did. That was in 2005. But don’t worry, there’s more elsewhere.

That night, he’d tried to f*ck her, but he’d had too much to drink. After some futile friction, he’d gone down on her instead. She was already nearly asleep by the time he came back up. He rested his head on her shoulder, pressing his nose against her neck. He closed his eyes, inhaling her scent, and kissed her just beneath the jaw as he drifted off to sleep.

Only to wake up with a jolt an instant later. “Holy f*ck!” he said, sitting up, still half dreaming, the real twisted around the subconscious. Jesus Christ, I’ve got Maggie’s hair in my teeth.

Kirsten [Dunst] muttered in her sleep. He turned to look at her. Kirsten. Not Maggie. He took a deep breath, and realized that he’d finally gotten hard.

He’d crept to the bathroom to jack off. Tried to think of Kirsten. Kept thinking of Maggie instead. Finally let the images flow without trying to control them, and brought himself off imagining how the waiter’s lips and tongue would feel, sliding up and down his cock.

It was the oldest story in the world. He always wanted what he couldn’t have. (Via)

That tale also mentions Heath Ledger, so…let’s move on.

That night, you didn’t see her naked. She just looked at you with your face in an expression you didn’t recognize, and then she took off her expensive dress and got into bed with you in only her slip, soft and silky against your body. She said, “Go to sleep, Jake,” and kissed your cheek, and fell asleep with her head on your shoulder.

When you woke up, you took a bath together, like when you were kids. Without the prosthetic scars, Maggie’s body is smooth and strange, different than onscreen. Different than yours, and you wonder how you could ever have seen her as just your sister. (Via)

There was an entire LiveJournal dedicated to Gyllencest, but it’s cruelly been deleted.

So, if anyone wants to buy “,” now’s your chance. Good luck.