Two events happened earlier this week which seem diametrically opposed to one another. The United Way released a study finding that more than 40 percent of U.S. households are above the official poverty line but nonetheless can’t afford the ordinary expenses of a middle-class life. These ALICE (Asset-Limited, Income-Constrained, Employed) households are twice as common as those below the poverty line, but they rarely qualify for any forms of assistance. They’re people who work but don’t make enough to cover the basics (66 percent of Americans earn less than $20 per hour, with the three most common jobs in America paying roughly $10 to $13 per hour).
Not surprisingly, this enormous percentage of American households doesn’t have enough in savings to cover a $500 emergency, let alone the extra funds to contribute to retirement savings, which may be why another article released this week drew so much ire. MarketWatch released an article stating “you should have twice your salary saved” in retirement accounts by age 35. Their tweet about the retirement experts’ recommendation received a deluge of sarcastic replies, over 2300 replies as of this writing:
By 35, you should have twice your salary saved, according to retirement experts: https://t.co/QoVA6EFpHJ
— MarketWatch (@MarketWatch) May 12, 2018
If you’ve got that much saved in your retirement accounts, or you’re on track to get there, awesome. You’re awesome. But for many people on Twitter, the reaction to what they “should have” was an immediate, “LOL nope.”
At first, people were skeptical:
— Laura J. Nelson 🦅 (@laura_nelson) May 15, 2018
Fine I’ll bite what’s a salary https://t.co/rywScaKfxn
— ali segel (@OnlineAlison) May 15, 2018
Then they were downright sarcastic:
do any of you know real people? just curious.
— Christopher Sebela (@xtophersebela) May 14, 2018
I think the key to this is just make sure you have a very very low salary and x7 should be easy to obtain
— Mainlander Tim (@MainlanderTim) May 15, 2018
https://twitter.com/JamesWetuski/status/996073845344874496
I think you meant to say,
By 35 you should have debt twice your salary.
— THEE Emanzi 🔰🇺🇬🇺🇦⚽️🍺 (@emanzi) May 14, 2018
My bank accounts pic.twitter.com/Avse2Sbphw
— Sexyy Red’s comment section, MD (@Dr_6ft5) May 14, 2018
Some people went to a very dark place:
My retirement plan is a shotgun in the mouth.
— Andrew Giglio (@Andrew_Giglio) May 14, 2018
"By 35 you should have bought at least two shotgun shells."
— Waxed Unreal self-parody (@bilongma) May 14, 2018
Guys. I hate seeing such negativity. Maybe try being proactive? go back to school? You're bound to find somebody to shoot you for free there.
— matt (@mattprobably) May 15, 2018
I've done the math, and I can retire about 10 years after I die, if nothing else happens.
— 💜Joan masked and vaxxed (@cosmyra64) May 14, 2018
https://twitter.com/SirJamesGray/status/996212607479697408
https://twitter.com/mechapoetic/status/996593016507904002
BY THIRTY FIVE YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED HALF OF YOUR RETIREMENT WHICH IS EASY IF YOUR RETIREMENT PLAN IS TO WADE INTO THE SEA
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) May 15, 2018
And some people spoke home truths:
https://twitter.com/bclevinger/status/996056235937058818
I personally enjoy that we've built a society wherein the only way to retire with basic dignity is 40 years of financial hypervigilance without any setbacks https://t.co/WphnZXySVI
— Natalie Shure (@nataliesurely) May 14, 2018
https://twitter.com/ChurchCarlton/status/996068620558987264
https://twitter.com/blackflaghag/status/996192741020270592
Have you guys told US companies about this yet?
— Jonathan (@JonathanPerrine) May 14, 2018
This next guy knows what it takes to survive in today’s fast-paced economy. By which, we mean Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!
By 35, retirement experts say you should have killed at least three of your peers with your bare hands, satisfying the dark Gods of Bloodsport.
— Glenn Loury 2.0 Darker, Gayer, Different (@justabloodygame) May 16, 2018
And other people also offered alternative — perhaps more attainable — goals for anyone who feels they might be missing the retirement experts’ mark:
By 35, you should have at least one save file in every Zelda game, according to retirement experts.
— Brian Altano 🍕 (@agentbizzle) May 15, 2018
https://twitter.com/AmyDentata/status/996401114445627393
By 35 you should have heard the dark, curling screams of the underworld at least six times. You should have ferreted away the childish fancies of your friends. By 35 your lower tusks emerge. By 36, the molten-hot scales of your demon belly should no longer itch.
— Madeleine Roux (@Authoroux) May 17, 2018
By the age of 35 you should have saved $4
— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) May 15, 2018
by the time you're 35 you should have saved at least half your sandwich for lunchtime instead of noming it at 10am.
— soda jerk (@poniesandsodies) May 16, 2018
(Hat tip to MarketWatch, The United Way, and Axios)