A Literal ‘Gang Of Goats’ Is Terrorizing The New Zealand Countryside And People Are Panicked


Whenever I think of the island nation of New Zealand these days, dildos flying at politicians and the upcoming Flight of the Conchords reunion tour come to mind, but not goats. Sure, the oftentimes cute (and sometimes horrifying) creatures are obviously residents of Australia’s southeastern neighbors, but I never expected to read about gangs of them terrorizing the countryside.

According to the New Zealand Herald, however, that’s precisely what sixteen of the hungry little sh*ts are doing, and the residents who daily face their wrath are running out of patience. Area animal control officer Murray Malloch told the paper all about the Grey District Council’s goat troubles, and as annoying as it sounds, my schadenfreude senses are tingling.

“They just come through and wreck everyone’s garden,” Mr Malloch. “They eat it and then move on to another one. Everyone said they’re lovely goats though.”

Neither Malloch nor anyone else in the town seem to know where the goats came from, or how long they’ve been around. Yet the animal control official and his helpers have confirmed the goats’ numbers, and are preparing to implement a plan (or plans).

“A local said he’ll go get them for meat, but we’re not sure if they’re someone’s pets,” he said.

“Either someone has to put their hand up or I’ll put it in the hands of a couple of local guys that are shooters. If they come on to their properties they’ll eliminate them — they’ll shoot them.”

The goat uprising is nigh, and ye’ve been warned.

(Via New Zealand Herald)