Girlfriend Hire Is The Saddest Website Of The Month

Senior Writer
04.16.12 2 Comments

The other day, I was sitting around, watching The Notebook for the umpteen-thousandth time when my mom called and asked when I was going to meet a nice girl and settle down already. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that my last few JDate matches stood me up, so I pretended my house was on fire and I put my phone in the microwave. Always thinking.

Then I came across a new website called Girlfriend Hire, which is similar to Rent-a-Friend, and features hundreds of female “college students” charging as little as $5 to pretend to be some lonely guy’s girlfriend on Facebook and Twitter. But it’s not all about the lonesome loser — even a cool dude bro like you can use these ladies to gain the upper hand.

You can get your ex-gf back from that assh*le by making her jelous. We offer categories that make it simple for guys to choose their ideal fake facebook girlfriend. We’ve even had people suggest they will use this to trick their friends or gay guys to make their parents thing they are straight by having girlfriends on and off for only five dollars.

Hold on, just posting a quick ad of my own real quick… “For $5 I will spell check and copy edit your website’s mission statement.”

People always say that America’s decline will be caused by a lack of innovation, but this website makes me feel a heck of a lot better about our chances. Especially after I browsed the listings for a girl who would post on my Facebook wall that I had the best REO Speedwagon cover band that she’s ever seen. That search was cut short, though, when I found my favorite listing of all…

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