Imagine sitting in your room one Friday, trolling away on the internet when all of a sudden, a loud crash! Is it the terrorists? No, it’s not the terrorists — it’s a gigantic hawk that just flew through your bedroom window. Fighting terrorists sounds like a more exciting scenario after a zombie run on Call of Duty, but the live bird proved exhilarating enough for Drew Arnold.
Arnold posted a photo of the smiling “*sshole” to Reddit the following day and gave a brief description of what happened:
This *sshole flew through two panes of glass. Shook it off. Destroyed my bedroom. Sh*t on everything he destroyed, and then had the audacity to smile at me as he was being escorted from the premises.
I was home when he crashed through the window. I had gotten out of bed probably 30 minutes earlier and had just put my corgi out. I thought a tree had fallen through my window or someone was trying to break in (I have bars on the back of my house but not the front). So I got up to go see what was up, saw a bird sitting on my rug looking dazed and confused, slammed the door shut, said “WHAT THE F*CK,” and then called my dad and animal control. It took them about 45 minutes to get to my house and haul him off.
He also uploaded a few more photos in a sizable gallery on Imgur. Highlights include the hawk’s “paint me like one of your French girls” pose:
An animal control worker reminiscent of a certain film reviewer:
And the broken window itself:
But the best exchange came later when Arnold’s constant references to being pantless caught the audience’s attention. Ever the dutiful OP, he provided his questioners with gold-worthy answers:
I know a guy who tried to help a wounded hawk once.
It put him in the hospital for two weeks.
Which is exactly why I just shut my door and called animal control. My dad was like, “OH HE’S PROLLY NOT THAT BIG, JUST THROW A TOWEL ON HIM AND TAKE HIM OUTSIDE BEFORE HE WAKES UP.”
He failed to realize that the hawk was awake the entire time, and that I didn’t have any pants on.
Wait, he also stole your pants?
I said he was an *sshole, didn’t I?
Moral of the story? Get bars on the front windows and store an extra pair of pants somewhere in the house. That, or obtain a dog much larger than a corgi and train it for perimeter defense.