Hey Fast Food Employees, Please Stop Doing Disgusting Stuff To The Food You Serve Us

Yesterday, the above image was posted to Reddit, and as you can see it shows a young man consuming a Wendy’s Frosty directly from the machine, or “wheezing the juice” as a generation once said. The problem with this image is, obviously, that the man is an employee of Wendy’s and he’s not using a cup, spoon, straw, gloves, or even a dental dam to protect himself and us from spreading germs. Naturally, a lot of people have a big, big problem with that.

A spokesperson for Wendy’s wrote in an email to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that “If true, this is totally inexcusable. We are investigating and will take action.” Of course that means that the people in charge will find out who this man is and more than likely fire him, and possibly even decapitate him on a stage made of skulls in front of the Wendy’s headquarters, as the actual Wendy’s hair bursts into flames and she cackles the laugh of one million demons.

But I don’t want that.

I just want my Frosty to be snot and booger free. I’ve worked in fast food before and I know it’s not the most glamorous profession in the world. I also don’t want to live in fear of getting a flesh-eating bacteria during the occasional times that I’m in a hurry and need to grab a spicy chicken sandwich because you felt like dipping a pack of buns in the men’s toilet.

I’d like my Taco Bell taco shells not to be licked like that one guy who was fired last week after he did just that.

And I don’t want KFC employees licking my mashed potatoes…

Or standing in bins of the lettuce that is going on my Burger King burgers.

More than anything, I guess I’d just be really thankful if you didn’t host the “Piss Olympics” in my Nacho Bell Grande.

If we can just see eye to eye on this, I think this world will be a much better place.