Important Breaking News: Abraham Lincoln Versus Zombies

Four score and 28 days later.

The Asylum, the studio behind many a mockbuster, including Almighty Thor (released the same time as Thor), I am Omega (instead of I am Legend), 2010: Moby Dick, 3 Muskeeters (the other one), Battle of Los Angeles (the other one), and Titanic II (what is this I don’t even). Now they’re prepping a rip-off of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The Asylum’s version will pit Abraham Lincoln against zombie Confederates during the Civil War. HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. So historically accurate, in fact, that they sent out a casting call with photos of the Lincoln family, John Wilkes Booth, and Stonewall Jackson attached, so agents would know they mean business. When you’re going to have a guy in a stovepipe hat killing Confederate zombies, by God he had better have Marfan syndrome, or so help me. We aren’t going to sink this production with historical inaccuracies.

The casting call also calls their John Wilkes Booth character “part of the New Secret Service”. Man, I’m learning new things about history every day you guys. Anyway, if Abraham Lincoln fighting hordes of Dixieland zombies isn’t your thing (How couldn’t it be?), The Asylum is also prepping other designer imposter movies of this year’s blockbusters, including Grimm’s Snow White (to coincide with the release of Snow White and the Huntsman) and American Battleship which is like 300% more patriotic than Battleship. You too good to call yourself American, Battleship? I don’t much cotton to that no how.

[Sources: Moviehole, Uncyclopedia]