Since the violent events at the Capitol on January 6, 2021 that left five dead, more than 700 people have been charged with a variety of offenses. One of them, 25-year-old Felipe Marquez, is offering up a rather bold defense for why the courts should go easy on him: When the violence broke out, he was in the bathroom taking a sh*t.
The charges against Marquez, a Miami-based rioter who Raw Story reports made his way to the nation’s capital via his Tesla Model 3 with a Glock in tow, included Obstruction of an Official Proceeding, Entering and Remaining in a Restricted Building or Grounds, Disorderly and Disruptive Conduct in a Restricted Building or Grounds, Entering and Remaining in Certain Rooms in The Capitol Building, and Disorderly Conduct in a Capitol Building.
In September, according to Coral Springs Talk, Marquez pleaded guilty to Disorderly or Disruptive Conduct in a Restricted Building or Grounds, for which he faces a fine and up to one year in jail. Marquez posted a video to his Snapchat of himself and about 20 of his fellow rioters smoking in Oregon Sen. Jeff Merkley’s office, which was severely damaged. But in a plea for leniency, Raw Story reports that Marquez told the FBI he neither witnessed, nor was he a party to, any violence that infamous day—because he “was in the bathroom pooping when the violence occurred.”
Marquez isn’t exactly attempting to distance himself from the events of that day; in the same interview with the feds, he claimed that he traveled to D.C. in order to protest “communism and prostitution,” which we didn’t quite realize was on the menu. And following the deadly protests, Raw Story reports that Marquez did an interview with CBS Miami, in which he likened a group of marauders smashing windows and trashing the Capitol Building to the civil rights movement of the 1950s and ‘60s. “This is like a Rosa Parks, like Martin Luther King moment for me,” Marquez said. Except that neither Rosa Parks nor MLK tried to minimize the parts they played in protesting racism by ducking out for a potty break—at least not to our knowledge.
While Marquez’s attorneys admit that their client was present in the Capitol on January 6th, they’re seeking probation as they claim that “Mr. Marquez was decidedly unaware that the aim of President Trump’s rally and subsequent march to the Capitol had anything to do with overturning the election’s results.” As such, they believe that “The former president, the rally’s organizers and speakers, and other nefarious, organized groups contributed to the chaos of that day, and are arguably, though not charged, greatly more culpable for what happened on January 6.”
"Marquez then held his vape pen up to the camera, as if to capture the arrogance of the rioters… smoking in a senator’s office during an Electoral College certification proceeding to formally elect the next President of the United States.”
DOJ wants four months behind bars. https://t.co/0ZiKcdKcdS
— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) December 2, 2021
There is no word as to whether the toilet in question has been interviewed. And as for whether the Doo-Doo Defense will work in Marquez’s favor? Only time will smell tell.
(Via Raw Story)