Jimmy Fallon gets all the credit, but Jimmy Kimmel‘s viral comedy game is also worthy of respect. Over the years, Kimmel has watched his girlfriend f%@* a famous and long-rivaled actor, gone inside the world of child beauty pageants, and of course, robbed children of their Halloween joy. With that in mind, and with his latest viral hit pleasing the internet right now, we decided to take a look back at some of Kimmel’s best late night moments.
“I’m F*@#ing Matt Damon”
A memento of when Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel used to date, “I’m F*cking Matt Damon” combined a guitar riff with Jimmy’s longtime rival and nemesis, Matt Damon. The song, in which Sarah boasts that she’s been cheating on Jimmy with Matt, came out in 2009. It prompted Jimmy to make a rebuttal (“I’m F*cking Ben Affleck”) and will always live on as the time Matt Damon got real aggressive about where he likes to have sex with Sarah. Take that to Mars, Matt.
“I Told My Kids I Ate Their Halloween Candy”
Depending on your tolerance for children, this video is either cute or classified as a violation of the Geneva Conventions. While we all know that, yes, we do have to give our parents at least one piece of candy from the Halloween haul, the raw audacity to actually pretend to eat all of it is just plain wrong. Thankfully, some kids are more forgiving than others, and double thankfully, the candy was actually safe all along. It’s pretty impressive that this stunt lights the internet on fire every year. You’d think that the word would be out in the schoolyard.
Mean Tweets is too big to fail. The original video spawned more spin-offs than we can count, and that’s just on the Jimmy Kimmel Live! channel. Counting non-Jimmy related Mean Tweet riffs, we could very well bury the internet in people reading nasty things about themselves out loud. It’s a foolproof formula: There will always be celebrities, and there will always be assholes on the internet. And at this rate, Mean Tweets will likely outlast us all.
“Harrison Ford Won’t Answer Star Wars Questions”
Will Harrison Ford ever find peace? The answer, as illustrated by this 2013 interview, seems to be “no.” We have to wonder what Ford was told about the set up beforehand. While we can probably assume he knew full well about the Wookie interruption, it’s unclear if his reaction was fully scripted or if some was ad-libbed. And while he likes being in movies and he’s not very hungry, Harrison Ford still refuses to tolerate any confrontations with his former Wookie friend. A cheating scandal gone awry reminds us all that even our closest friends can betray us. It seems like they may never reconcile, and that’s just tragic.
“Worst Twerk Fail EVER”
What’s brilliant about “Worst Twerk Fail EVER” is that before Jimmy announced it was all a hoax, the internet had gone absolutely rabid sharing this video. It was premium schadenfreude fodder: Girl in yoga pants, twerking poorly, catching on fire? What more could the internet ever need? As it turns out, the manipulation on this one was pretty expert. Because Jimmy wasn’t pranking kids or girlfriends or moms: He was pranking the internet, and most people fell for it immediately. Well done, Jimmy!
“Toddlers & Tiaras With Tom Hanks”
In this gem, Jimmy Kimmel taught us that it’s not just mothers who have child pageant dreams. Even Oscar-winning actor Tom Hanks has aspirations of his daughter winning the crown. The crown in question belongs to the “Miss Ultimate Sexy Baby Nevada” pageant. The road to the pageant, as we learn, is not paved with rhinestones, but sadness and Tom Hanks’ strange, strange dreams. From a 6-year-old dancing to “Talk Dirty to Me” to famous director Ron Howard winning the gold, Jimmy Kimmel reminds us that pageants aren’t just competitions. They’re life.
There will never be a more 2009 video than this. One day, we’ll all look back on this and wonder “Wait, why was Snooki in this? Why is there a Jersey Shore specific Twilight parody? Was that a thing that needed to be made?” The answer will be: It was 2009. The times were different, then. Simpler. Everyone and their mom was doing a Twilight parody, but Jimmy Kimmel? He went above and beyond, and gave us the parody that no one had asked for. And for that, Friggin’ Twilight remains the most outstanding memento of all.