Kirk Cameron Threw Himself The Most Depressing Birthday Party Ever

Former teen heartthrob and probable crazy person Kirk Cameron’s 41st birthday was on Wednesday and this photo of his attempt at the most depressing birthday party ever is making its way around the internet today. Obviously: I. Have. So. Many. Questions.

Who’s gonna eat all that Subway? How many people work in the building? Do Kirk’s employees have to keep a five foot radius from him? Is that lady at the door being forced to watch at gunpoint? Are those boxes full of scripts for more Christian firefighter movies? Who drank half the juice? Did they take this photo right before former co-star Leo DiCaprio strutted in? Would Boner (RIP) have ever let Mike celebrate a birthday like this?

Thankfully for me, photoshop has allowed me to sort a few things out…

Could a prison birthday party possibly look more depressing?


Thanks to Kirk and Roboshark, Birthday Cat finally found a kindred spirit.

What if Kirk had friends? What if Kirk’s friends were the cast of Friends?

Would Uncle Joey have thrown DJ a better party?

Update: Robopanda rocks your face and put together the much needed Birthday Dog shop. It really ties this whole thing together.

And finally, what I’m certain it was like in Kirk’s mind…