If prestige dramas on HBO are to be believed — and who else are you going to trust? TV Land? — then divorce is the worst thing that any of us could ever go through. You’ve got to deal with the dissolution of your marriage, what you’re gonna tell the kids (if you have any), argue over who gets the house, and try to do everything as amicably as possible (one hopes) while paying lawyers through the nose to do your dirty work. No two ways about it: Divorce sucks.
But you know what sucks even more than the divorce itself? When it turns out that the person you’re consciously uncoupling from is actually hiding some big ole’ secrets you were never supposed to know. And if it weren’t for the lawyers of Reddit, brave legal warriors who are willing to spill the beans on their throwaway accounts, you’d probably be sitting there wondering “I wonder what the worst thing anyone has ever hidden in divorce court” forever. (I mean, if that’s the sort of stuff you ponder.)
Thankfully, though, we’ve got some answers. Here are just a few contenders for the Worst Person On Earth award. Like this woman, who thought she could just get the hell out of dodge after a very fortunate turn of events:
Not a lawyer, but my husband’s uncle (they’re close to the same age) was going through a divorce. His wife had just packed up her stuff and their kids and moved out one day while he was at work. Come to find out, a few weeks before she left, she’d won a $5000 a week for life lottery ticket. And thought she could divorce him without splitting her winnings. That didn’t work out very well for her.
Or this guy, who was a little bit more into loving animals than the average person:
Client is an elderly gentleman, some type of retired professional. His son is a pastor. Everything about his situation seemed very normal in terms of income, property, etc. However, it turns out he had a pretty serious porn hobby and he was concerned his wife might find out and use it against him in the divorce. However, as I mentioned above, I assured him that was pretty run-of-the-mill these days and unlikely to affect anything. He then asks if I feel the same knowing the porn is not “mainstream.” I asked what he means and he looks very nervous. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t referencing CP, so I pushed him on it.
The guy was into goats.
Or this guy, who WON:
The husband in a very high stakes divorce managed to hide two apartment complexes, an ocean-front penthouse in a very expensive city, and an offshore oil rig that were held in two offshore companies that the wife did not know about. It only came out very recently, about two decades later when husband died and left some of that property to their two sons (who were able to see the property histories).