Lionsgate Promises To Read ‘The Hunger Games’ Right After They Build The Theme Park

It’s not really a secret that Hollywood is a business and most of the men at the top don’t even bother with knowing what product it is they’re selling. Never has this been more amply demonstrated than with the way The Hunger Games has been handled by the licensing department.

The CoverGirl “Capital Couture” makeup line was either completely brilliant, because they understand the dystopia, or somehow missed the point and still managed to make it look like they read the books. However, when Subway came up with those “spicy footlongs” based on “Catching Fire” they must have just skimmed the outline they got. “Fire? We aren’t allowed fire in this strip mall, BUT WE DO HAVE CHIPOTLE CHICKEN.”

Apparently no one at Lionsgate wrote that plot outline, because the company is still pushing to build Hunger Games theme parks.

Yeah, parks. Plural.

According to Hypable:

“During the quarter, we also continued to extend The Hunger Games franchise into new lines of business,” [Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer] told investors. “In addition to the mobile game partnership and The Hunger Games traveling museum we announced on the last call, we’re deep into conversations with prospective partners on 4 continents to explore theme park attractions and other location-based entertainment opportunities.”

Things I think The Capital would do to try and draw people deeper in to the spectacle of the Hunger Games:

  • Create a home game to trivialize child murder
  • Create an amusement park to trivialize child murder
  • Create a traveling museum of child murder to trivialize child murder

I can’t wait to line up to experience what it’s like to coal mine without any OSHA/MSHA regulations! Or, they’ll probably have a lot of archery stuff and base the park around The Capital. The Hunger Games is not equal to Harry Potter, Lionsgate. I mean I know it is in terms of money, which is what you’re looking at. But anyone who’s actually bothered to read the source texts knows that Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans is far more appealing and marketable than Ipecac.

There’s no word when exactly they’re going to break ground on a Hunger Games theme park. Fingers crossed they decide to put these monuments to Orwellian-style fascism in Russia, Italy, Japan, and of course Orlando.

Via The Mary Sue