Meet The Florida Man Who Got Naked And Slept On Some Dog Beds At CVS

This story would contain a strong contender for 2015 Florida Man of the Year, except that this incident technically happened during the final hours of 2014. No clue on the motive for what transpired below, but off the top of my head I’m just going to throw “meth” out there:

Deputies say Jeremiah Patterson, 22, of Odessa, was at the store Tuesday at U.S. 41 and State Road 54 when he took the beds to the bathroom and went to sleep on top of them.

The store couldn’t sell the beds after that and Patterson was charged with theft.

Whoa whoa whoa. Why couldn’t the store sell the beds now? It’s not like he slept naked on top of a bunch of fruit or something. A dog doesn’t care if a naked guy slept on the bed. In fact, if someone offered a discount on a perfectly good, slightly-used dog bed you better believe I’d take them up on it. That’s cash money saved.