NOPE: This Rare And Horrifying Megamouth Shark Washed Up On A Beach In The Philippines

Look, we’ve been over this. Stay out of the ocean. There’s nothing in it for you. Nothing is huggable and everything will devour you. In fact, just to be safe, get to the center of the continent. Immediately.

The latest piece of evidence to support #TeamLand is the megamouth shark pictured above, which washed up on a beach in the Philippines yesterday.

While not as terrifying as the vaunted NOPE SHARK (it’s described as a “gentle” plankton eater in the video below), this thing is bigger and uglier. It’s also extremely rare:

On the morning of the 28th of January in Barangay Marigondon, Philippines, local residents discovered a mysterious shark washed up on their coastline. After contacting local authorities, it was confirmed to be the ever elusive megamouth shark, Megachasma pelagios. This is, by my records, only the 60th confirmed documentation of this enigmatic shark.

“Enigmatic” is putting it lightly. Here’s a fun sentence about humans’ first encounter with the species, back in 1976:

It was in Hawaii that year that a 14.6-footer gulped down a submerged parachute filled with sand, which a US Navy ship was using as an anchor.

It eats sand-filled parachutes for fun! Here are some closer looks at the hell beast:

If the photographic evidence isn’t doing it for you, read Shark Devocean’s musings on the megamouth shark or watch this footage of the modern monster in action: