Nation’s Bullies Break Down Richie Incognito’s Tactics

11.06.13 4 years ago 57 Comments

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Gunner, 13, Arkansas

“See, the first mistake Richie Incognito made is leaving a trail. You never leave a trail. Here’s what you gotta know about little pussy crybabies – THEY’RE ALWAYS GONNA TELL ON YOU! That’s what makes ’em pussy crybabies. Instead of leaving voicemails and texts, Richie should have just yelled that stuff in lil’ Jonathan’s bitch face until he cried about it. Then, when he starts crying, you smack him upside the head and yell, ‘Quit crying, you little ass baby. Each of those tears is gonna cost you $15,000.’ Then you go home and make Hot Pockets dinner because your mom is working a double shift and you gotta watch your bratty little sister.”

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Marcus, 11, and Alicia, 15, Michigan

“That racist stuff he said wasn’t cool. You shouldn’t bully people because they’re different from you. You should only bully them if they’re smaller and have something you want. Like that jacket. Give it up, kid. It’s going on Craigslist.”

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Katelyn, 16, Connecticut

“Did he say he was gonna shit in the other guy’s mouth? Gross. Like, I would NOT do that. That is simply not done. Instead, I would start telling all the players in the huddle that Jon or whatever was talking shit about them behind their back. Then I take Jon’s playbook and deliver it to the other team. As soon as we lost, I’d go tell the coach, ‘I think I saw Jon’s playbook on the other team’s sideline. You must be, like, a spy or some junk.'”

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Brent, 17, California

“I think it’d be better if Richie did the bullying to conceal feelings he’s unwilling to admit to himself. That’s why I’m about to pummel on this little puke right here. Because I love him and it makes me sick. Dad says I can’t be that way! WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO PRETTY, BITCHBOY! I’m gonna smash your face until I don’t wanna caress it anymore!”

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