Earlier today when I got an email from someone over at Team Coco alerting me to a clip from last night’s Conan in which comedian Nick Kroll tells a pants-sh*tting story for the ages, I was all, “Oh hell yeah!” as pants-sh*tting stories are ALWAYS the best stories. And I don’t care what anyone says, EVERYONE sh*ts their pants at some point, even sexxxy ladies. In fact, pants-sh*tting stories involving young, attractive women are almost always the best — as are most stories involving unlikely weird things happening to unlikely people — if you can get one to actually cop to sh*tting their pants.
My personal fav in this regard happened a few years ago when a young, attractive lady I was good friends with was coming to meet me and some other mutual friends at a bar on the Upper West Side. She had decided to walk from Midtown and right around 72nd and Broadway suddenly became overcome with some dastardly stomach ailment and crapped all over herself. She called me in a panic and asked if I could bring her some pants from her apartment, which I had a key to, and meet her at the spot where her a$s had exploded in public. When I showed up she was sitting on the curb in front of Grey’s Papaya, trying to conceal the fact that she’d sh*t her pants by sitting in her own feces. It was stupendously disgusting and hilarious.
Anyway, Nick Kroll ladies and gentlemen…