Of Course Japan Has Developed A Cell Phone That Helps Guys Cheat On Their Wives And Girlfriends

Normally, if I saw a guy using a flip phone, I’d probably point and laugh while shouting, “Hey everyone, look at the loser with the flip phone!” because I’m a big, dumb jock with a smartphone, but it turns out that my mockery might be misdirected. Instead, I should probably be yelling, “Hey everybody, check out that dude who’s cheating on his wife!” because chances are that I’d be right, if I were in Japan. Also, people would think I was a lunatic.

According to a Japanese blogger named Bakanabe, who writes about scoring with random girls, the best phone for bros on the philandering go is the Fujitsu flip phone, because it has a privacy mode that can hide missed calls from mistresses and bang buddies, as well as dirty emails and text messages. So fellas like Bakanabe can go about their business without having to worry about Mrs. Bakanabe snooping on the smart phone for incriminating evidence. The main drawback, though, is that it won’t work with their Bluetooth toilet. You take the good with the bad, I guess.

So what’s the key, Bakanabe? Give your students some advice.

“Women may want to check my phone for strange emails or calls when I’m not around. With Fujitsu’s ‘privacy mode,’ they can’t see that information at all,” he said in an email. “The key is to give off the impression that you’re not locking your phone at all.” (via the Wall Street Journal)

But don’t just take Bakanabe’s word for it. Poon-chasing bloggers across Japan are scoring at will on this cellular open net.

This comes in handy to another blogger who calls himself “Poza.” He claims to have various romances on dating sites while juggling three girlfriends. He said he was introduced to the Fujitsu phone nearly five years ago and uses the privacy features to keep from getting caught. He says he recently bought an iPhone, but giving up his Fujitsu phone to carry just a smartphone is “unthinkable.”

“In terms of keeping my cheating hidden, this does more than enough,” he wrote in an email. Poza, who says he works for a design company in western Japan, declined to provide his real name.

The only problem I have with this phone – aside from, you know, the whole immorality thing – is the name. I mean, the “Infidelity Phone”? How long before Japanese women find out about this and start questioning every boyfriend and husband who is seen chatting on one of these Fujitsu phones? At least use a little creativity. For example:

  • Screwjitsu
  • iBone
  • Splackberry
  • Google Sexus Score
  • HTC Deployed DNA
  • Motorola TurnTrix HD
  • HTC Re-Pound
  • Samsung Exhilarate

Okay, that last one is the actual name of a phone, but it already has built in brand appeal.

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