One Million Pounds Of Adult Toys Were Stolen In An Apparent Dildo Heist, And The Reactions Are Gold

Authorities in Northamptonshire, United Kingdom, are investigating a case in which one million pounds — as in, £1 million in British currency — were stolen right out of a tractor trailer on its way to make a delivery. It’s unclear how much the haul actually weighed, however it is believed that it contained tens of thousands of adult toys and accessories headed to a nearby business, Rocks-Off Ltd.

The alleged heist occurred back on September 18, when it is believed that the trailer was broken into sometime between 1 a.m. and 6.30 a.m., and the items reported stolen range from £2.99 charging cables to £99.99 “luxury products,” according to the Evening Standard.

Northamptonshire Police reported the incident Thursday in a Facebook post, asking that anyone with information or potential witnesses come forward to cooperate.

Naturally, British locals commented on the widely shared post with the upmost maturity, with one commenter suggesting the suspects were “already in handcuffs,” and another joking that they will receive a “stiff sentence when they’re caught.”

Other comments were similarly entertaining:

“I assume they smashed in the drivers back doors and slipped in through the rear.”

“Very sad they never got to deliver their load. There will be a lot of frustrated customers.”

“This will make a lot of people happy this Christmas. In fact, they’ll be buzzing!”

“If I was a driver carrying a load of Duracell batteries I’d be getting worried right now…”

“The lorry should have carried extra protection 😂”

“I bet the driver felt violated waking up to find someone emptied his load while he was sleeping.”

“Between 1 a.m. and 6.30 a.m. – can’t have been male thieves then, they’d have been done in 5 minutes!”

“In his statement he claimed to hear the voice of Boris Johnson claiming that these are going to make excellent secret Santa gifts for the Labour party so they can go screw themselves.”

For what it’s worth, the Rocks-Off Ltd. website describes the company as “the UK’s leading sex toy manufacturer and designer” and offers “100 per cent discreet delivery.”