In news that will surely disappoint the well-endowed citizens of North Dakota, all 47 of them, a new study has found that unlike Godzilla taglines, size doesn’t matter. Researchers at the University of Zurich, Switzerland’s sexiest party college, polled 105 women to “investigate how relevant women consider single aspects of penile appearance to be,” according to Mic.
The findings, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, include a ranking of “importance of eight penile aspects.” Here they are, from most to least necessary:
1. Importance of general cosmetic appearance
2. Importance of appearance of pubic hair
3. Importance of penile skin
4. Importance of penile girth
5. Importance of shape of glans
6. Importance of penile length
7. Importance of appearance of scrotum
8. Importance of position and shape of meatus
To these women, the perfect penis is girthful and well groomed, and possibly circumcised. The length and scrotum don’t matter so much as never saying the word “meatus.” Ever.