No stranger to being owned and not mad online, Piers Morgan turned his ability to be owned against himself penning a very long column (complete with a ton of one-sentence paragraphs) about how he no longer wants to keep up with the Kardashians while displaying his up-to-the-minute knowledge of the goings on of the Kardashian clan.
“I just can’t stomach the sight or thought of any of these talentless, publicity-crazed, unctuously self-absorbed, vacuous wastrels for a single moment longer,” Morgan writes before proceeding to undercut himself again and again by continuing to write about the Kardashians.
The turning point for Morgan? Kim Kardashian appearing on Ellen while simultaneously selling merchandise on her website as well as having cellulite. The horror:
In other words, as with all things Kardashian these days, it’s one gigantic con trick. A facade aided and abetted by the world’s women’s magazine industry that wants us all to buy into the fakery and compel its readers to aspire to completely bogus body images with myriad expensive potions, creams and surgeries.
Morgan’s pearl-clutching eventually turns to asking why no one will think of the children, but it seems like the real reason for the column’s existence is for Morgan to come up with different ways to mention Kim’s butt. As Mediaite points out, he’s still following her on Twitter, so he’s not even adhering to his own dictum.
Head over to the Daily Mail to read the whole thing, including Piers’ unfortunate aside about gay men engaging in high-risk sex while using drugs, along with instances of projecting that would make Freud rolls his eyes. It’s appropriate that Morgan quotes Network early in his column as this is truly a window into the mind of a madman.