Pornhub Reported A Massive Spike In Hawaiian Viewership After The False Alarm Missile Alert


Nothing like the possibility of certain death to make you just wanna rub one out, amirite? No?

Well, apparently in Hawaii, that’s exactly what many people thought about immediately after the state’s false alarm missile alert last week. According to Pornhub — a site known for doing extensive data research — there was a major spike in viewership from the state of Hawaii after everyone received the text stating that their apocalyptic warning was all a big mistake.


The initial text was sent at 8:07 a.m., at which time, predictably, everybody logged off. On the off chance someone on the island survived a missile, I’m sure they wouldn’t want rescue teams to see they had been indulging that early in the morning (they probably all cleared their browser histories, too).

At 8:45 a.m., when everyone was given the all-clear, they must have returned to “business as usual,” because by 9:01 a.m., viewership rocketed to +48% above normal for a Saturday after a -77% dip below normal during the scare. Perhaps the spike was due to adrenaline, due to people needing to a means by which to calm their nerves, or maybe people were just already on the Internet and took advantage of it.

Either way, the people of Hawaii were really interested in getting some self-love after fearing for their lives… or maybe they just wanted to join in on the morning’s button-pushing fun.