True story: I once knew a girl who was committed to convincing her boyfriend that she didn’t defecate — ever. He became so concerned for her bowels that he would routinely ask her to see a doctor. According to her, he bought the no pooping premise, which was probably just naiveté on her part. This is just one of the fantasies everyone would like to imagine when they’re with their significant other, because, let’s face it, pooping is not very romantic. It’s smelly and obnoxious.
As you and your significant other tiptoe to the bathroom at 3 a.m. to let loose a deuce in that beginning stage of romance, the fecal fairy will eventually tickle your innards at the most inappropriate time, and you will — in an indirect manner — announce to your lover that you indeed are a member of the poopy party with a loud, porcelain filtered fart. It happens to the best of us.
This reddit user was going through the caca crisis: after eating takeout food all day long, she had to evacuate her bowels at her new boyfriend’s apartment. The horror! As she sat on the throne, her boyfriend slipped this under the door to let her know that pinching a loaf was natural, and nothing to be ashamed of.
Great, now Ryan Gosling and poop will forever be linked in my mind. Repeat viewings of Drive just got smellier.