Ungrateful German Man: Woman With Massive Breasts Almost Motorboated Me To Death

Franziska Hansen is a German woman with large breasts. Like, 38DD large. Tim Schmidt is a German lawyer Franziska dated. He is also a man obviously not capable of handling a woman of ample proportions, as he had her charged recently with “attempted murder with a weapon” — the in question weapon being her mountainous mams. Yes, Schmidt claims Hansen tried to smother him to death with her prodigious palookas.

“The incident happened in May – we were having sex…She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts. Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed between her breasts with all of her force…I couldn’t breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn’t tear myself free and I thought I was going to die.”

Why would Hansen want to kill him with her mondo nancies when, according to Schmidt, “everything was great between us,” you ask? Well, he thinks it’s because she was jealous of him for being a lawyer, to which I call bullshit because every lawyer I know is miserable. Rather than envy them, I pity them, more often than not.

Hansen, for her part, claims she was just using her whopping waldos to engage her lover in a “sex game.” Yes, a sex game known in America as MOTORBOATING!

Yo, Spike Lee, what do you think of this German lawyer guy who can’t seem to handle a nice lady with titanic tetons?

Yeah, us too.

(Via Your Jewish News. Pic via. GIF via Gifulmination)