Video: Popeye’s Introduces Its ‘Top Secret’ New Chicken Tenders

Back in May, I thought we’d witnessed the biggest “How has no one done this before?” fast food moment of the year when Taco Bell started testing its new breakfast waffle tacos in select cities, but I think it’s safe to say that the sometimes orgasmic Popeye’s may have topped that one with its new “Top Secret” chicken tenders meal. Obviously, as you can see in the video above, Popeye’s is trying to keep the special ingredient of these new chicken tenders a mystery until they hit stores on July 29, but because this is the Internet, nothing is ever a secret, so if you want to know what it is, keep reading.

Otherwise, if you’re a fast food surprise purist, stop reading now and go hide in a couch cushion fort in your basement until Monday rolls around. The key to keeping the cushions from falling down is to use towels as support at the bottom. You’re welcome.

Okay, so now that the losers have left us, it’s time for the surprise ingredient – waffle batter! That’s right, it’s all the delicious joy of chicken and waffles rolled into one simple tender basket. Simply amazing, Popeye’s.

Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for Taco Bell to answer my demand for a shell made out of Totino’s Pizza Rolls, which I refer to as my “Hot, Greasy Valhalla.” Make it happen, dammit.