Remembering The Time Robert Parish Knocked Bill Laimbeer The F*ck Out

There was one member of the 1980s Celtics who always seemed like the taciturn leader of the team. His expression simultaneously said: “I will end you,” and “Come on over for dinner when we’re done.” He always seemed — from a distance — like a philosopher warrior of sorts, one whose default expression usually involved a scowl. Perhaps that’s why they called him “Chief.” No one seemed to float above the fray quite like Boston’s starting center, Robert Parish, which is why we want to take time to commemorate the time he decided to take action.

Parish turns 63 today. He was a four-time NBA champion and an integral part of the triumvirate of front court dynamos — with Kevin McHale and Larry Bird — as part of the Celtics dynasty in the early and mid-’80s. They were so good for so long, they’re in the top five trios with the most playoff wins by a trio.

But like his more famous teammate, Bird, Parish was also tough to get a handle on because his emotions seemed so deadened to the flits and fits that happen during a typical NBA game. We always thought he was secretly teaching a night class about sewing at a local Boston community college while simultaneously learning jiujitsu. On that last part, we weren’t all that wrong.

Parish performs mixed martial arts and once stood up to Michael Jordan — the Chief played his final season for the 1996-97 Bulls after MJ came back from his baseball sabbatical. As Jackie MacMullen once reported for ESPN.com, Parish basically told an angry MJ at practice that there was no way he was going to kick the seven-footer’s ass, even though Parish was in his 40s:

In one of his first practices with the Bulls, Parish botched one of the plays and was amused to find Jordan jawing at him just inches from his face.

“I told him, ‘I’m not as enamored with you as these other guys. I’ve got some rings too,’ ” Parish recalled. “At that point he told me, ‘I’m going to kick your ass.’ I took one step closer and said, ‘No, you really aren’t.’ After that he didn’t bother me.”

But we want to look at the time Robert Parish absolutely laid out Bill Laimbeer in the old Boston Garden.

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It was Game 5 of the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals — the game after the famous one where Larry Bird stole the ball from Isiah Thomas on the inbounds — and Robert Parish had finally had enough of Bill Laimbeer’s usual hijinks.

“Bill [Laimbeer] always crossed the line…I had enough of all the dirty play,” Parish said in 2012. “It was the first and only time I ever lost my composure during a game.”

You can see Parish’s full answer about the punch starting around the 3:54 mark of the video in this article. Remarkably, the Celtics’ center only got a regular foul called on him during the game, but he was suspended for Game 6 of the series after the play was reviewed by the league office. However, despite how big it is in Boston fan folklore, it’s an incident Robert still seemed ashamed about in that 2012 interview.

The punch itself, and the lack of an ejection, is evidence inappropriately cited by the older generation of players who talk at length about the weakling youngsters playing in the NBA today. But for Parish, the punch isn’t really something to venerate. It was the only real blip of violence in a career spent intimidating without force.

For us, he’s the living embodiment of a couple Scarface lines we always loved in his opening verse for the Geto Boys’ anthem: “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangster.”

“But real gangsta-ass ni**as don’t flex nuts / Cause real gangsta-ass ni**as know they got em / And everything’s cool in the mind of a gangsta / Cause gangsta-ass ni**as think deep.”

Parish never flexed because he didn’t need to. He was an intelligent introvert who also happened to stand over seven feet tall and possess the running, jumping and anticipation of a gazelle. He was also an original gangster — just ask Laimbeer.

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