Sam Hinkie Revealed On Twitter He Snowboards, So What’s His ‘Process’ For Acquiring One?

By: 09.14.16

USA TODAY Sports

The former general manager of the Philadelphia 76ers, Sam Hinkie, joined Twitter today, and fired off 10 (numbered) tweets to introduce himself to his new followers. After a pretty obnoxious humblebrag about teaching at Stanford in his spare time, Sam dropped a bombshell of sorts:

So, how would Sam Hinkie go about buying a snow board?


It was a temperate Palo Alto Day and Sam Hinkie decided it was finally time to buy a snowboard. He walked into his den, picked up his space phone, and very methodically dialed the nearest store that sold snowboards.

“Hello, I am Sam Hinkie and I’d like to purchase a snowboard.”

“Well,” said the clerk over the phone cheerfully, “We got a lot of snowboards here!”

“Good, it is my intention to purchase one of them. One moment, I must look at my notes. Please hold.”

Four hours later, the man on the phone finally hung up, but Sam Hinkie still poured over his piles and piles of laminated spreadsheets full of snowboard lore, detailed mountain minutiae and complex equations such as “x-freestyle+freeride{ALPINE}/$$$-(AllMountainBoard)(y)(winter months).”

“Today, I am going to buy a snowboard,” Sam Hinkie told his family. His lips curled into a smile that did not touch his eyes.

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