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03.28.08 189 Comments

Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Will humans land on Mars?  Is purple the new pink? Would this monkey let me squeeze her tits for a banana?  No one knows for sure, and that means we’re free to speculate wildly! Yee haw!

Sean Connery (that’s Sir Sean to you, pleb), who’d previously announced his retirement from acting, recently expressed interest in doing a cameo in the latest Bond movie (presumably meaning Casino Royale Quantum of Solace, which is currently in production).

He says, "I wouldn’t mind coming back as a Bond villain. But I don’t think they would pay me enough. "They don’t pay the money for other parts, only for the Bond character, although that wasn’t the case when I was doing it." [Source]

Connery added, "They alsho tell me you can’t schlap a women theege daysch.  I watched Jamesh Bond on the DVD, and he shavesh hisch bloody chesht.    The man’sh shupposhed to be an international playboy, not a bloody shyncronisched schwimmer.  I tell you, the whole world’sh gone faerie."  

"Thank you for your time," said the interviewer, whom Connery promptly slapped for attempting to have the lasht waird.  He’s tough but fair. 

[Thanks to nubile research assistant RoboPanda for the tip] 

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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