Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Did you know there is a Star Wars trailer on tonight? Tonight Star Wars fans get a very special treat as a new official STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS trailer is released. There is also a football game between two hated division rivals, but honestly, who cares, STAR WARS.
In case you missed it yesterday, we actually got three “trailer trailers,” or trailers for the new trailer, because apparently giving trailers a trailer now is a thing. Soon the teaser trailers for trailers will have trailers, and by 2020 we will get a new trailer for trailers per day and actual movies will cease to exist.
The three trailers are here:
And the newest one:
The newest trailer will debut at halftime, meaning nerds everywhere will have to watch at least 30 minutes of bad football to see their precious STAR WARS. So since we have to see this happen, what is this game being played? Will it be any good? The likely answer is no. No it will not be good. It will be bad. Unlike the new Star Wars trailer, which will be awesome.
The New York Giants and Philadelphia Eagles are, believe it or not, fighting for the NFC East crown tonight. It could only be more pathetic if there was no Star Wars. The Eagles are a hot mess, alternatively very hot (last week against the Saints) or very cold (Two weeks ago against the Skins). The Giants could theoretically be 5-0, but could also theoretically be 2-3, because their pass defense has been nothing short of abysmal. These are two very flawed teams, unlike Star Wars, which has no flaws and will be perfect.
These two teams faced each other this exact same time in this exact same place last year. In that game, Victor Cruz tore his knee to shreds, an injury that was arguably worse than Luke getting his hand cut off in Empire Strikes Back. How many times will that injury be talked about tonight? The Vegas numbers are high, and I would not recommend making a drinking game out of it. Cruz has officially not played football for a year now, and the Giants are struggling with hamstring problems everywhere. On the other side of the force, the Eagles are still trying to figure out an identity, much like Luke Skywalker was after his childhood home was blown up by the empire leaving him with nothing. Sam Bradford has been very inconsistent in quality, sometimes he’s like a player from the original trilogy, and sometimes he plays like he’s in the prequels. Well, tonight is a chance for him to step up and start a new chapter of his career, much like how Star Wars is starting a new chapter in a galaxy far far away. Star Wars.
Will Coach Coughlin (who looks like the emperor after getting fried by lighting) manage to keep his team afloat and get a larger lead in the division? Or will the confusing Jedi master Chip Kelly finally succeed and show everyone just how strong the force is with him? Tune in tonight to see some high quality NFC East clownball.
But really, tune in for Star Wars. We all know that’s what everyone is here for anyway.