MTV is 30 today, you guys! And God does that ever make me feel old, mainly because I was a kid when it started to become a thing and I vividly remember being so pissed at my parents for not having cable so I could watch it. But then later on they did get cable but were like, “Uh, we don’t think you should be watching this,” and I was even more pissed at them, even though I still watched it whenever they weren’t looking. (That’s what it was like to be a young boy in the 1980s, kids!)
Anyway, the birthday seems to have the internet feeling nostalgic and paying homage to MTV. I’ve read a bunch of the tributes, but this one by Bon Iver is unquestionably my favorite…
I could easily just say ‘fuck mtv” and give sound reasoning… But fuck it, what Ani Difranco sang is what I think: open fire on hollywood open fire on MTV open fire on NBC and CBS and ABC open fire on the NRA and all the lies they told us along the way open fire on each weapons manufacturer while he’s giving head to some republician senator.
Okay then! Bon Iver’s jerky commentary aside, it’s been quite a interesting ride for MTV, no? I was just remarking recently how it seems that MTV gave birth to and then later killed the music video, only to see it spring back to life via the internet, and now MTV is embracing the forum again after abandoning it long ago for reality shows about guidos and teen pregnancy, among other things — the network will be devoting more airtime to music videos in the immediate future, even bringing back old video show host stalwarts like Matt Pinfield. In other words, video killed the radio star, then MTV killed the video star, and now YouTube is bringing the video star back to life again. Or something like that.
With that said, since everyone seems to be doing “best of” music video listicle thingies today, I decided to do a “Ten Worst Music Videos of All-Time” list, because the truly terrible is much more interesting to me. To be honest, I spent way too much time on YouTube today cultivating this thing (There are so many awful videos out there!), but that’s how dedicated I am to you, dear Uproxx reader. Feel free to share any and all dissent in the comments.
Repugnant human dildo Fred Durst screaming, “I did it all for the nookie, the nookie, so you could take that cookie and stick it up your…” repeatedly is more than enough to merit the inclusion of this video on my list.
Sorry Don, having one of the biggest dongs in Hollywood isn’t enough to make up for this stinker.
I just want to go on record to say that I never liked this song. NEVER. From the first time I heard it I wanted to stab myself repeatedly in the nutsack with a rusty butterknife. This video only exacerbates that feeling.
Not only is Spock not impressed by this regrettable abortion, he probably aches to slit his wrists in shame over it. William Shatner is even ashamed of this by proxy.
Any attempted comeback by Arsenio Hall should be thwarted by this steaming pile of horsesh*t.
And you thought “Ice, Ice Baby” was bad.
This might be the most 80s video of all-time.
Proof that even two geniuses can lay a rotten egg together every now and then.
Look, I know you’ve never heard of this Swedish duo, but trust me on this — they’re hideous.