We don’t pay much mind to the MTV Video Music Awards around these parts, especially when it airs on the same night and at the same time as Breaking Bad. The few good things about this year’s ceremony — a possible *NSYNC reunion, performances from Drake and Kanye, whatever the hell Daft Punk is going to do, Katy Perry — don’t outweigh having to sit through three and a half hours of One Direction orgasms and Teen Wolf commercials.
That being said, if you do want to make fun of whatever multi-colored clump of matted newspaper Miley Cyrus decides to wear tonight, we’ll keep this post open as a discussion. Also worth discussing: what if instead of the boring ol’ VMAs, MTV decides to resurrect Celebrity Deathmatch and makes all the invited guests and performers fight each other to the death? I’d watch that. Here are 10 possible matchups to get things started.
1. Katy Perry vs. Lady Gaga
The winner: Katy Perry. Ever have whipped cream in your eye? Blinding.
2. *NSYNC vs. One Direction
The winner: *NSYNC by choking One Direction with puppet string.
3. Miley Cyrus vs. Selena Gomez
The winner: Selena Gomez. Twerking is no match for Selena’s tag-team partner, Alien.
4. Daft Punk vs. Robin Thicke
The winner: Daft Punk, because space helmets > baby animals.
5. Taylor Swift vs. Kanye West
The winner: Jay Z, somehow.
6. fun. vs. Mumford & Sons
The winner: the suspender industry.
7. Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake
The winner: #teamkendrick
8. Chris Brown vs. the Trident I’m Sneaking In
The winner: the trident, hopefully.
9. Macklemore vs. Ryan Lewis
The winner: Mary Lambert
10. Rihanna vs. Katy Perry
The winner: EVERYONE.
