Get ready, because this story’s going to have a lot of Belk in it. Arkansas tight end Jeremy Sprinkle, in Charlotte for the Belk Bowl, was reportedly cited for shoplifting at a Belk store, after his team’s Belk-sponsored shopping spree had ended. He wasn’t arrested, merely caught in the act and given a ticket, but as a result he was suspended from the Belk Bowl.
You may ask yourself, why would someone who has already received plentiful gifts from Belk steal yet more items from Belk? But as has been proven time and time again (most famously by Winona Ryder), shoplifting is rarely about need, unless it’s for such essentials like food rather than the items sold by a department store such as Belk.
One might say Sprinkle (whose name is real, and not a Brian Grubb creation) really Belked his chance to play at the Belk Bowl. Or one might wait for the Belk Bowl to start before unleashing a surprisingly good football joke.