SOCCER + AFRICA = DANGEROUS
ANOTHER NOTCH IN THE BELT FOR DEREK JETER

ELIZA DUSHKU LIKES OVERWEIGHT PITCHERS

By / 01.18.07

I don't know how new this information is, but apprently Eliza Dushku is dating the Dodgers' Brad Penny (third item).

I have to say, I'm a little perplexed. I don't know how familiar you are with above-average National League starting pitchers, but Brad Penny is a disgusting fatass slob. He looks like the love child of Large Marge and an inordinately sweaty bouncer. Seriously, check out the photo gallery at his Dodgers page. That's a man who identifies with Geico ads.

I'm not quite sure why Eliza is dating some millionaire athlete when she could be dating someone sexy like me, or me, or someone similar to me, but I try not to dwell on these things. Because otherwise I'd get hung up thinking about her delightful take on hair removal, then I'd try to see if Tru Calling: Season One has been released on DVD yet, then I'd settle for masturbating to Bring It On, and I already did that the last four nights.

And I'd really prefer to mix it up a little bit.

(p.s. Note the Roto Rooter truck in the background. No, it doesn't give me any dirty thoughts. I'm just practicing for those memory-IQ tests is all. I swear. No, you're immature!)


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