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THE GREAT WHITE SHARK NEEDS A NEW LAWYER

By 05.26.07

Greg Norman's divorce proceedings have turned nasty:

Greg’s lawyer, Martin Haynes, said his client has a “special equity” in the marriage because of his fame, and therefore deserves a bigger slice of the couple’s $500 million fortune. “What sets this marital estate aside from many . . is the work ethic of the husband,” the filing states.

I assume Solicitor Haynes meant to say that the husband almost always brings home the bacon, but was trying to be politically correct.  I kid, ladies.  Take my situation for instance, you can't really call what I do 'work' because I would be perusing tasteful pictures of starlets and models on the internet every waking moment anyway.  Plus how ethical can a guy be who doesn't wear pants?

“His drive, and his ceaseless effort to compete, survive the embarrassment of defeat, and to enjoy the taste of victory . . He was recognized as the Great White Shark prior to marriage. The wife did not teach the husband how to swing a golf club. The wife did not teach the husband how to win."

Even his lawyer recognizes that Norman is remembered more for his final round collapses than his two British Open victories.  Yes, Greg survived the embarrassment of defeat, and you can't say his wife taught him how to win.  The Great White Shark was very fortunate that Americans were fascinated by all things Australian in the mid-80s, such as Crocodile Dundee, that Energizer battery guy, and the boomerang or as the Shanty Irish call it, 'the Clap'.  Apparently he's dating Chis Evert now to force me to recall a decade I'd like to forget and acknowledge two sports for which I don't care.  I think I'll watch Jaws today. -KD     


TAGSGOLFGREG NORMANPGA

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