FREAKISHLY CREASELESS FOREHEAD CONTEST!
DAVID FINCHER AND BRAD PITT

I WANT JARED ALLEN TO BE MY DAD

By / 11.02.07

Chiefs defensive end Jared Allen leads the AFC with 8 sacks and was just named the conference's Defensive Player of the Month.  The secret to his success?  His totally sweet mullet.   Here are excerpts from the press conference on NFL.com.

Reporter: …Does this feel pretty good though, that you've come through all that stuff, that you've kept your nose down and kept playing football and done the deal? [Great question, Woodward -Ed.]
Allen: Definitely.  I can't take credit for it.  It's all the mullet, man.  This thing has just absolutely been taking over my life…  People are like, "Dang, look at that guy's hair, it is sweet!  And that'll lull 'em to sleep, and I take advantage of 'em.
Reporter: …So if you want to be successful–
Allen: Grow a mullet.  Obviously.  Because up here [motions to forehead], this says "success."  And in the back, it says "party."  I mean, which one do you want?  Who's comin' to the table?  They don't know.

It's not a perfect transcription, because my secretary quit and I had to do it myself.  She couldn't handle the strict With Leather dress code: I'm the boss, so pants are optional.  And she was the co-ed looking for college credit, so she was subject to my whims.  And I don't think a low-cut blouse, pinstripe miniskirt, and lacy thigh-highs are too much to ask.  I mean, what is this, the '90s?  I thought we got past the whole feminism thing.

Huh?  Jared who?  Oh, the football guy with the mullet?  Yeah he's okay.

[More at Arrowhead Addict


TAGSJARED ALLENKANSAS CITY CHIEFSMULLETSNFL

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