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NIC CAGE F'N HATES WATER BOTTLES

GAY BREAKS WORLD RECORD, KINDA

By 06.30.08

Sprinter Tyson Gay qualified for the Olympics with a would-be world record time of 9.68 seconds in the 100 meters yesterday (video here), but the wind was slightly too strong and the wind-aided time won't go into the history books.

"We need to get some type of flame-retardant uniform in case he catches on fire," said [coach Jon] Drummond, no stranger to hyperbole. "He's running so doggone fast."

Good call by Drummond.  Nobody likes it when a Gay is… flaming.

Ugh, I feel so cheapened by that joke.  Listen people, I'm not going to make easy jokes just because someone's last name is "Gay," all right?  Those jokes are for the amateur gay-joke writers.  I'm a professional, dammit.  I work my ass off to bring you the hardest gay jokes there are.  Wait a minute.  "Ass" … "hard" … I think I may have something there.  Lemme get back to you on this one.


TAGSHOO BOY THAT'S GAYIT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE'S OLDRACING

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