SWING VOTE IS DOING IT WRONG
OH DEAR GOD NO

SHAWN KEMP STILL ALIVE, GOING TO ITALY?

By / 07.30.08

Former Sonic great and noted unprotected-sex advocate Shawn Kemp may have one more comeback left in the tank.  The 40-year-old, who has slimmed down again (here's a recent-ish picture), was reportedly offered a deal from Italian team Premiata Montegranaro.  Metro News says:

SHAWN KEMP ALLA PREMIATA. Ai cittadini di Seattle però la cosa non va giù, e per difendere il basket nella città della pioggia è sceso in campo anche uno degli ex più amati della storia dei Sonics: Shawn Kemp ha infatti esibito un cartello con scritto “Noklahoma” di fronte al municipio della città. Udite udite: a quasi 40 anni, “The Reignman”, dopo le brutte storie di cocaina e la folle evasione da un ospedale psichiatrico di 4 anni fa, ha ricevuto un’offerta dalla Premiata Montegranaro.

I don't speak Italian fluently, but I've stared at Monica Bellucci's rack enough to pick up a little bit of it, and I think that says Kemp opposed dickface Clay Bennett moving the Sonics to Oklahoma, and was offered a contract by Premiata.  All I have to say is, DON'T DO IT SHAWN!!!  Things aren't what they seem!  They don't really want you to play, it's just an elaborate plot by the Italian government to populate the country with a generation of very tall Italians.  They're trying to steal America's basketball dominance!  It's a trick to get you to go to Italy and sleep with all their women!

While we're on the subject, I'd like to take this moment to volunteer for Italy's next evil plot.

[The Sport Count via Ball Don't Lie


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