I hate bullshit power rankings, so I make up my own.
1. Megan Fox. Go ahead, give yourself some sugar. You’ve earned it.
2. Twitter. Still holding steady in the two-spot, and I swear, we have no idea who’s doing the Rick Chandler tweet.
4. Olivia Munn. She’s a bit short for me. If they ever made a 6-foot version of Olivia–a sort of “Giant Olivia,” if you will, that would be the greatest thing ever.
5. Honolulu. Playing Hard-to-get with the NFL? You go, girl!
6. Dead Broadcasters. Now if somebody would just strap Joe Buck into a wheelchair and roll him off the upper deck, we’d truly accomplish something.
7. Stephon Marbury. He’s playing for the Celtics tonight. Probably should have mentioned that earlier.
8. Golf’s Mike Clark. Tiger killer! Whatever.
9. Bacon. Mmmm, that’s some good eats right there, now.
10. The Theme to NBC’s Meet The Press I could see myself stabbing a Roman emperor to this song. Or an enchanted woodland creature. Or whomever I think deserves it.