Apparently we never got around to mentioning that Tiki Barber is dumping his Asian wife for a white girl, partly because of my travel schedule, and partly because Tiki is the black Paris Hilton. Who gives a damn what this guy does anymore? He gets less camera time on NBC than Al Michaels’ scalp, he’s terrible on the Today show, he’s terrible on his NFL show, and he’s devoid of any sort of charisma that would make me want to watch him on TV. And considering that he had to invade the ranks of the nearly post-pubescent to find his own Lolita.
Anyway, I wanted to do something like this to compare Tiger’s high-volume philandering with Tiki’s one-shot, one-kill approach. But someone already did that. Whatever. At some point, we’ll have to stop comparing every guy that cheats on his wife to Tiger Woods. Might as well start now.
See, Tiger’s whoring was heroic, both in scope and range. Tiger banged strippers, he banged his neighbors, he probably banged 47 percent of all women he ever came into contact with. Just wrap your GD brain around that for a second. The guy couldn’t miss. And his marriage is still intact (for now, anyway). Tiki, meanwhile, blew up his whole life for some intern. Can Tiki re-enter his public universe with the same apparent ease as Tiger has? I doubt it. While Tiki might have sold his marriage down the river, as Tiger did, one has to wonder why he couldn’t insist on a better price. The end. Wasn’t that fun?
ASYLUM POLL: Is Tiki Barber a bigger scumbag than Tiger Woods?