Over the weekend, 36-year old free agent wide receiver and humble role player Terrell Owens told the NFL Network’s Rich Eisen that he hasn’t signed a deal because the media has unfairly portrayed him as a cancer in the locker room, an accusation that Owens vehemently denies. In related news, this has inspired me to promote world peace through the new program Dismissive Wanks Across America.
According to a variety of additional news outlets, Owens has been linked to a number of teams since NFL free agency began, including the Miami Dolphins, Oakland Raiders, Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals, Baltimore Ravens, San Diego Chargers, and resigning with the Buffalo Bills. While both the local media and team representatives have denied it, Owens insists that the Seattle Seahawks remain the most interested of any teams in acquiring his services. Upon hearing this, Matt Hasselbeck’s last hair fell out.
Do sit-ups in your driveway, All Headline News:
Owens reportedly blamed his “hated persona” as the main cause of his failure to find a team willing to take his service next season.
Owens insisted his cancer image was far from his true personality as a teammate and a person.
“The teams I’ve been on, if you ask in that locker room how I’ve been as a teammate and as a person, it’s contradictory to what’s been displayed out there,” Owens told NFL Network Friday.
Having publicly questioned Jeff Garcia’s sexuality and famously blown up on Donovan McNabb on the sidelines during games, Owens at least has the endorsement of Bills QB Trent Edwards, who recently said that Owens was good teammate, despite, you know, Owens calling him out repeatedly for not throwing to him. T.O. also pointed out that the Bengals showing interest in him completely negates the assertion that he’s a behavioral liability. Seriously. The Bengals. He said that. I had to go back and read that like 15 times.
In the meantime, the Bengals signed Antonio Bryant, a player with myriad injuries and a history of coaching conflicts. The Ravens opted to trade for Anquan Boldin and signed Donte Stallworth, recently back from a one-year suspension after killing a man in a drunk driving incident. But T.O. said that ultimately he’d like to play with the Washington Redskins, as he claims that he and McNabb have talked about a reunion. McNabb, however, denied this, saying that he’d just like to see Owens back in Philadelphia.