Everybody’s had those Rip Van Winkle days when we fade off to sleep forgetting to recharge our phone batteries and wake up to the realization that the Turkish immigrants you hired to dust your house for two bucks an hour have been banging on the screen door for almost half the day. This is what happened to third-ranked Jim Furyk this morning as he went to bed with visions of Barclays grandeur and woke up with the crushing realization that he’s never going to bang as many women as Tiger Woods…and he’s also late for his playoff golf tournament.
On the bright side, at least he’ll always have that awesome trophy on his mantle of a colonial man deftly wielding a golf club that hasn’t even been invented yet that I’d make PUNTE hump Elvis’ rotting carcass to own.
The No. 3-ranked player in the FedEx Cup points standings was disqualified from The Barclays at Ridgewood Country Club this morning after missing his 7:30 a.m. pro-am tee time. As per PGA Tour rules, players who are in the pro-am field must be on their tee at the designated time or are disqualified from the week’s event.
“I don’t know if something happened with the charger or what, but I never got it,” Furyk said outside of the Ridgewood locker room this morning. “I just tore out of there, threw a pair of pants on and a shirt — still have no belt, no socks and my shoes are untied — and actually got in the locker room at 7:35, but I guess I had to be on the tee.” -NJ.com
He paused to put on pants and a shirt!? Come on! There’s no better way to show other golfers you’re in it to demolish them than to show up half naked with a full mast of morning wood brandishing from your boxer shorts. Incidently, this is how most of my first dates begin (and end).