In case you go to bed early and a sports comedy blog is the first thing you see or hear when you wake up, Osama Bin Laden has been killed by U.S. forces. This should make a lot of people feel much better about not being able to go to a doctor or get married or find a job. Somewhere Prince William is sitting around pissed, kicking his feet, complaining about how he only got like two days to be the most important thing in the world.
Because “dancing on grave of monster” is the only thing anybody’s going to be Googling for today (sorry, Kate), I’ll stand at the bottom of this website and direct you to political stories of interest. Note: whatever you do, don’t search for “Osama” on Twitter. You will die.
Osama Bin Linken
What I Did Instead - Jason Fry knocks it out of the park (baseball reference) with his honest and touching thoughts on 9/11, and how the New York Mets sometimes actually have something to do with something. [Faith and Fear]
Pakistani Man Live Tweets Attack on Bin Laden - He didn’t know what he was doing at the time, but Sohaib Athar of Pakistan (pockiston) accidentally Live Twought about helicopters and bomb blasts in Abbottabad. Read about him, then follow some links and read about a guy who eats tampons. [BroBible]
Osama Bin Laden is Dead and Going Viral - CNN reports on an “Osama Bin Laden is DEAD” Facebook page with about 300,000 likes since last night. Check it out for tasteful comments such as “pussy,,,,” or “Rot in HELL you bastard,……….I hope Satan sticks it up your ASS everyday !!!” or “shot in the head…kicked from a helicopter….american justice….” that tactfully honor those we’ve lost. [CNN]
Barack Obama, Brother - Revisit our first humorous President’s White House Correspondent’s Dinner comedy act. If you haven’t watched it yet, he enters to “Real American,” which is awesome because he’s been entering to “Voodoo Chile” for the last year and a half. [YouTube]
Elsewhere On Our Network
(in case your only source for Osama Bin Laden news is the “I’m not a racist, but..” tumblr)
50 Cats Straight Chillin’ (Part Two) - The title makes it sound like an R. Kelly song, but there’s no better way to celebrate America’s new temporary (extremely temporary, as in its almost over already) unity than with cats on the Internet. Resist the urge to sing Lee Greenwood. [Uproxx]
Abstinent Vampires Consummate Like THIS - Now that Osama Bin Laden is dead, the United States can FINALLY get back to caring about pointless bullsh:t like these pictures from Twilight. Can’t we just get three more Adventurelands? [FilmDrunk]
Miss Ohio is Naked - Don’t get too excited, it looks like literally every single issue of KING magazine ever published. [Smoking Jacket]
Germany is Super Weird - Feeling Nationalistic today? Check out this German kids channel explaining how to handle an unwanted erection. Pro-tip: never wear cargo shorts again. [Warming Glow]