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@Storytime: Celine Dion Destroys Ron Artest's Fragile World

By / 08.08.11

He looks photoshopped in, doesn’t he?
Metta World Peace née Ron Artest took off to Nevada over the weekend to host a night at the Chateau Nightclub & Gardens at the Paris Hotel on the Las Vegas Strip, and like a lot of Vegas tourists he decided to take in a show. That show happened to be Celine, Celine Dion’s residency performance at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace. Most people who go to that will tweet “went to see Celina Dion in Vegas, liked the show” or “went to see Celina Dion in Vegas, did not like the show” (that one would be me), but not Artest. Here’s the Spark Notes version of what went down:
1. Ron Artest is Ron Artest
2. Ron Artest decides to go see Celine Dion in concert
3. Celine Dion changes Ron Artest’s life
4. Ron Artest gets frustrated that his Twitter followers don’t know who Celine Dion is and think he’s joking
5. Ron Artest has an existential crisis, considers the idea that he might be dumb and is driven to improve himself
6. Ron Artest gets in over his head
The last two days of @RonArtest are succinctly chronicled here for your observation and amusement, and because somebody needed to make a permanent record of this. Please click through to enjoy.


Okay, so far, so good.

The first mention of Celine is innocent enough. He’s going to see her show!

Celine Dion is already forgotten, as Metta World has googled his favorite hip-hop duo of all time to properly spell their name (I think).

I included the first response because of how sad it is. He is probably never going to wear your clothes.

The stage is set. Retweets are the establishing shots of 2011.

It’s all downhill from here.

The only two questions I could think to ask Ron Artest if he told me he met Celine Dion.

I didn’t know Stevie Wonder was gay.

This isn’t an incredibly interesting tweet, but included to illustrate how Ron Artest will not stop talking about how he met Celine Dion from now until X.

wariers, come out to play-ee-ay

He loves her so much, he makes this picture his Twitter icon.

I’m not sure he ever had it fully, but he starts losing his ability to speak and form sentences around here.

The whole song.


The Ron Artest crush on Celine Dion reaches critical mass. Or, uh, absolute zero, I guess.

I love that these four groups of people represent Ron Artest’s spectrum of humanity. “blacks to Russians”

In a callback from earlier, Ron attempts to move on.

He fails. Nothing else is said about Whitney Houston. The confusion about Celine sends him into some dark areas of human thought, such as …



Most of the comments are just correcting his grammar or vocabulary (with the little passive-aggressive asterisk thing people do) and nobody seems to care about what he’s saying. That takes him here …

dumb*
Feeling flawed, Ron starts googling, and, well …

You can probably guess where this is gonna go.


TAGS@STORYTIMEAfricaBASKETBALLCELINE DIONJEWSLAS VEGASLOS ANGELES LAKERSmetta world peaceMusicNBARON ARTESTTITANICwhitney houston

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